Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
