I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
