laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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