Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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