you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
