just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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