Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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