"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
