Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
