i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
