just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
