Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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