I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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