We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
