I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
