saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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