At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
