Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
