The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Never underestimate the power of titties
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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