You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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