my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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