It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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