He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
