i just wanna soil my oats bro
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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