Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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