So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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