You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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