You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it was like eating out sand paper
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
