im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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