I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
