The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
