Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
