my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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