well I can't set my house on fire every night
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We named our party play list daddy issues
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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