I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
