Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
