i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
