Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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