$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
