It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
