Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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