# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
