DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
