Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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