I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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