This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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