I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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