Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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