i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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