some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
